Amid the wreckage of the Tall Deval administration, there’s one unquestioned vibrant spot.
Actually, a spot, truly Spot, for that’s certainly the identify of the State Police’s new robotic canine from Boston Dynamics in Waltham.
Spot the robotic canine was leased for 3 months earlier within the 12 months to be used in hazmat conditions, which in Massachusetts State Police phrases may imply nearly something.
As an illustration, the outdated Troop E extra time types — these slips have been so rattling hazardous that after publicity to them, a dozen or so turnpike staties at the moment are convicted felons, scores extra are in a photograph end with the grand jury, and Troop E itself has been disbanded in disgrace and scandal.
Dangerous ice cubes — one other terribly hazardous materials that has harmed untold numbers of staties, in Foxboro, in Newport, in Nevada, and that’s simply since June.
Why ought to the MSP cease with a couple of robotic canines? Why not … robotic troopers?
The quickest method to reform the nation’s most corrupt police power can be to exchange the present power with one that’s much less inclined to … effectively, the whole lot.
You wouldn’t have to fret about robotic troopers going loopy at nation music concert events and exposing themselves, flashing their personal components whereas their trooper buddies are flashing their badges and threatening to arrest the victims.
Robots wouldn’t be screaming at cops exterior bars in Newport and yelling the c-word at feminine officers, and having all of it recorded on physique cams.
They wouldn’t be tangling with resort safety guards exterior a pool cabana in Las Vegas after which simply be diminished to hoping that no matter occurs in Las Vegas stays in Vegas. (Or a minimum of simply in Framingham — proper, Inner Affairs?)
Robotic troopers wouldn’t have any girlfriends, ergo, they wouldn’t be beating them up.
Robotic troopers wouldn’t want a crooked union at hand out piles of money to dodgy pols on the State Home, shopping for safety to maintain all their crooked cop rackets going.
Robotic troopers wouldn’t be posting racist messages on the Web, or randomly taking pictures at motorists on the Expressway, and so they wouldn’t get caught sleeping on paid particulars (except possibly their batteries run down).
You’ll by no means once more have an issue with troopers banging in sick, after which going out of state and getting jammed up whereas wasted. And this can be a actual downside, imagine me, as a result of the brass desires to guard the phony-baloney jobs of those criminals with badges — assume skilled courtesy.
However when the brass is slapping their wrists for getting drunk and disorderly on an out-of-state sick day, they’ll’t cost the unhealthy boys with mendacity to their superiors, as a result of that might imply they might by no means once more testify in a legal case, as a result of the protection attorneys would have the ability to ask them underneath oath, “Trooper, have you ever been disciplined for lying?”
So as an alternative, these bent cops are being charged with “failure to notify superior officer re: out-of-state travel.”
No such complications with robotic troopers! No hangovers both — a really large downside within the MSP, in case you haven’t seen.
Wouldn’t have to fret about robotic troopers being employed regardless of prolonged legal backgrounds — together with however not restricted to drug dealing, cash laundering, perjury, obstruction of justice and earnings tax evasion.
With robots, no extra obscene $150,000-plus pensions for disgraced cops — no pensions, interval.
Robotic troopers wouldn’t must be endlessly drying out, on our dime, typically in Florida.
Robotic troopers would by no means file lawsuits if crooked pols attempt to edit their OUI incident studies to guard the daughters of hack judges.
And most significantly, a minimum of as Tall Deval is anxious, robotic troopers would by no means threaten to leak embarrassing studies about politically linked youngsters of politicians who allegedly groped girls on flights into Logan Airport.
Now that I give it some thought, why cease with the MSP? Let’s substitute your complete state work — non-emergency, non-essential, no matter — with robots. That is one thing even Democrats can get behind — it’ll release billions for extra welfare for these Dreamers Nancy Pelosi et al. care a lot about.
Flatulence issues on the Registry? Not anymore, not with robots.
Alas, the hackerama would by no means allow such a commonsense reform as robots, not within the State Police or the MBTA or the RMV or any of the opposite bust-out flaming dumpsters which are our state businesses.
Spot the State Police robotic marvel canine will likely be a one-off, an aberration.
As a matter of reality, I can think about the grievance the state police union, SPAM, will file the day the primary robotic trooper studies for responsibility. They are going to be quoting Woman Macbeth:
“Out, out damn’d Spot.”
Take heed to Howie’s newest podcasts at howiecarrshow.com.